What the ....?

Upfront I want to warn you that this post is not one of my happiest and it's pretty personal to me. I just feel like I want to write about how ridiculous life is sometimes. Also, this is a huge venting session.
So don't read on if you
A. don't really care about my life
B. you have better things to do than hear me whine
C. you love me too much to read about my pain
Here we go...The other night it was my friend's 25th birthday so obviously we went to Chuck E. Cheese's. We really didn't have any other options if you think about it. It ended up being me and 9 dudes. You'd think that would be great, right? Wrong. I'm pretty used to being the only girl with my boys, but that means that most of the time they forget I'm a girl and I hear, see, and smell things that I really don't want to.
Well, we were all loving life. The boys were swearing because they weren't winning the games or getting enough tickets. I kept telling them to stop because there were small children and to stop staring at the mom with huge fake boobs. I felt like the mama like I always do. I really do adore my boys with my whole heart.

Anyway, we were just hanging out hitting the machines when in walks someone who I haven't seen in over a year. It was my ex who pretty much ruined my heart and who I still think about. I really, honestly thought we were going to get married and he did too... for a while. Long story short, we broke up and I haven't dated anyone since. I think now I'm ready to, but for a while there boys were the last thing that I wanted to be around. I don't think I can explain the damage this break up did to me, and it's not very interesting/really pathetic so I'll just not even tell ya. He who shall not be named walked in with his new squeeze. My heart stopped and I told my friends that I thought I was going to puke. No one would drive me home so I had to stay there in what felt like the smallest area in the world. Me and that boy kept crossing paths, but not aknowledging each other. I asked my friends if I should say anything, but they were too busy racing to answer. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and went and talked to him. He was rude and we talked for only 46 seconds. He acted like it was the worst things that could have happened for us to run into each other. I walked away devestated and I felt broken hearted all over again. I'm glad I sucked it up and talked to him though, because I wanted to show him how strong I am. I had to watch him with his girlfriend for another hour. It was honestly torture. It may not seem like it would have been that bad, but when you love someone and they tell you they don't want to be with you, it doesn't really feel good. The whole time I kept thinking, "Who else would run into their ex at Chuck E. Chees on a Tuesday night? ONLY ME!"
I came home and cried for a few hours. Just thinking about how much I hate men and how much of a loser I am. My roommates and I had a boy bashing session and then I went to bed. I woke up with swollen eyes and couldn't even put in my contacts.
Now you're probably thinking how crazy I am, but there is a moral to this story. After a couple days I realized that I don't need someone in my life who didn't treat me well. He's not worth two seconds of my time because he was too dumb to see how amazing I am. There is someone out there who will take me for who I am; flaws and all. They will love me and adore me. I just have to wait for the Lord to bring him into my life. Until then, it is my job to become a woman who is worthy of being married for eternity to a man who will feel lucky to be with me even though I swear sometimes and cry all the time. It's been the hardest year and a half of my whole life. It seems like everything has hit me in the face. Things in all areas of my life have been hard, but now looking back I see that I have grown more than I ever thought I could. I am a very different person than I used to be and it's a good thing for the most part. I have learned how amazing my friends are and that my parents pretty much know everything. I know sometimes they get frustrated that I am a lot more quiet than I used to be, but I just try really hard to think before I act or say anything because I don't want to hurt people the way that I've been hurt.
Don't feel bad for me. I am a sensitive soul, but I'm resiliant. This path has been long and painful, but I can now say that I'm ok. Somedays better, somedays worse. But on the heels of our greatest trials come the most amazing blessings.

Sincerely, Jake

So I know that I haven't written in, well forever. All 4 of you out there are dying to know what's going on in my head and what funny things have happened in my life. Right now there are two things on my mind, making it so I can't sleep or function properly.
#1-Don't hit the children.
#2-Must find job.
Pretty much those two thoughts consume my thoughts and actions. I have been struggling with my 'darlings' lately. I think it's because it's getting warm outside (kinda) and we are just sick of each other. The other day I had to tell a kid to go away because I was about to go ape crazy on him. I think my 9th grade boys are going through some serious PMS right now. I don't know how to help them because I think it's against the rules to hand out Midol and they might take it the wrong way and I would get fired. But they have just been so cranky lately. Today I had a kid come in and just start yelling at me. He told me that I was dumb because I gave him a C+ and not a B-. Then when I told him I wasn't going to change it, he ran out of the room and down the hall. Either my patience is wearing down or they are getting nastier, I guess a combination of the two is possible. After school a boy asked me if I would box him. I said no, but man it was tempting...
I am feeling way more in control and calm about my classroom, it's the other junk going on that is stressing me out. Like though #2. I have to find a job. That's pretty much what keeps me awake at night and gives me nightmares when I finally fall asleep. I want to teach and I want to get OUT of Utah ASAP. That's pretty much all I know. I decided to pick a state and Wyoming is the lucky one. I don't know why, I am just looking at jobs there right now. It feels right, but who knows if I'm just being delusional and think I am supposed to go to Wyoming, but am actually supposed to go to Walla Walla, Washington, Wales, or Western Sahara. I'm just feeling the 'W'. So if you hear of anything, let me know! I have some great qualifications like: I have never hit a student, I've only played it out in my head. I'm good at facbook stalking, I can eat cookies like a crazy person, and I laugh really loud at really innappropriate times. I'm sure that's just what every principal is looking for! Also, my dream is to marry one of these and Wyoming could make that dream into a reality.

On a happy note, I sent a student to my desk today because he was distracting everyone around him. After class I found my desk decorated with my sticky notes because apparently going through my desk was a good idea. They said, "Your Awesome :) Sincerely, Jake" "Your dope. Sincerely, Jake" "I could go on all day. Sincerely, Jake" Should I have a talk with his english teacher? Yes. Is he a huge suck up? Yes. Did it work? Absolutely it did.

The Day of Love

So here I am, quite possibly more bored than I have ever been (and that's saying something)listening to mine and my roommate's playlist aptly named "I hate Valentine's Day!" thinking about how much I hate Valentine's day. The current song is "You give love a bad name" by Bon Jovi (My fav). I didn't know that a person could feel such contempt for a day, but here I am loathing everything that signifies love. I didn't come to this feeling on my own, but rather I've been conditioned to hate V-Day since I was in 5th grade. I liked a boy and he gave a teddy bear to another girl. It's been all down hill from there. I just feel like living in Provo I am constantly already aware that I don't have a flashy diamond on my left hand and a baby growing in my belly and this day just makes it 10 times worse. It's not that I don't apprecite love, I love love as a matter of fact just not when it is embodied by a couple making out in front of me and the light turns green and then I'm stuck until they're done. It happened on the way to church and I did not handle it well. I know that I should be happy for all of you that have found "the one", but for this one day I kinda hate you. Don't take it offensively, I'll be over it on Tuesday when I'm in a chocolate coma and my eyes are red from sobbing. I know one day I will meet a boy and then I'll be the one making single people throw up in their mouths because I'm so in love I can hardly stand it. But until then I will hate Valentine's Day with my entire black heart and soul. I might boo people coming home from dates or throw stinky socks at people on the street who look like they might be in love. I'm not a psycho, just a girl who has had her heart trampled a time or two or ten, but who's counting... So all of you love birds out there, I know it's your day, but show some sympathy to those of us who are ridin solo. I'll do my part and stay home will the blinds closed and my anti-love music blaring, just don't let me hear you giggling on the door step across the hall or a pineapple might hit you in the face. One day I'll join you, but for now I hate you and everything you choose to be.

What a Day!

Yesterday was a busy day. My sister is in town for the weekend and I turned her into my personal slave. I think she kinda liked it. Our first mission was to beautify my classroom. I am probably the coolest teacher ever, but I wanted to make the kids believe it.
Here are some of the new additions.














My kids draw me pictures of the most random things. I have everything from a ninja army to a bowl of Capn Crunch. They will come running into the classroom during passing period and say, "I drew this for you during class." They love that I immediately clmb on the cupboard and hang it up or if I'm feeling really nice I'll let them put it up. It's so fun!


I love my posters, especially my huge Rosie the Riveter. Of course I stare at Jimmer all day long. I want my kids to see that all kinds of people can be our heroes. I love Einstein as much as I love Mohammed Ali.

I'm sure this probably isn't very exciting, but right now I'm at school for almost 12 hours a day so it's kinda my life. I'm trying to make it a place that reflects who I am, but also where my kids feel safe; even if it is only for 45 minutes.


I was so glad my sister was able to come and see what I do. My roommate Michelle, aka the sweetest person alive, also came to help. We had fun and I loved spending the day with my two favorite people in the universe. They spent three hours helping me with everything.


After that, Janell helped me clean my room and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I'm not gonna lie, my room was GAARRROSS! I'm not home very much so I hadn't really noticed until Janell barfed in her mouth when she walked in. I am so lucky to have the best big sister alive. She is the best example of service and kindness I have ever seen. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I was overwhelmed with everything and now I feel like I'm kinda on top of things.
Thanks sissy poo!

Ummm....

Today in class some boys were giving a presentation about the end of WWI.

"The United States helped end the war by giving the allies planes, army, and aids." (They had written this on their power point)
SAY WHAT?!?
"Boys I think you meant to say aid as in money because we did not infect Europe with aids or any other disease."
"Couldn't they have gotten aids in the trenches?"
"Just sit down and be done, thanks."



That was my day in a nut shell. I have been sick and miserable and have been wanting to sleep every minute of the day. I have a slight ear infection so I can't hear anything. Today a kid mumbled and said, "Is he gay?" I had no idea what he said so I just nodded. OOPS!

I am really looking forward to this weekend because I just want my mommy and grandma to take care of me! I have the best mom in the world and the only thing I want is to have her cook me some soup and help me do my laundry.

PS I know I'm whiny when I'm sick, sorry about that!

I hope you all (whoever is out there-cue Twilight Zone music) are having a great week and can look at life and just laugh hysterically because that is all you can do sometimes!

Miss Jensen, what if I barfed right now?

I'm sure everyone who is reading this knows that I teach junior high and in that place you have to be tougher than a marine and ready to shoot from the hip at all times! Using the 'Stink Eye' is now an art for me...and I love it!



Here is a compilation of the funniest, best, weirdest things my students have said.

"Are you even old enough to teach us?"

"I'm not tardy; I just had an emergency in the bathroom!" (I did not ask questions)

"If you don't give me an A I'm switching out of your stupid class." (Said the student with a D, I said PLEASE!!!)

"If I slip you a $20 can my grade go up?" (This kid was dead serious!)

"I like that girl, can you please tell her for me?" (Not smooth kid, not smooth.)

Girl: "Miss Jensen, how old are you?"
Me: "23, why do you ask?"
Girl: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: "Don't you think you should get one?"
Me: "Trust me honey, I think that everyday."

"Can I punch him in the face?" (I wanted to say yes so badly!)

"I kissed a girl and my mom called me a slut! She was serious, but she doesn't know I kissed her FIVE times!"

"Miss Jensen, if you ever get fired, I'm gonna light the school on fire."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you remind me of Hermione. I'm gonna call you Miss Granger."

"If you don't let me go get a drink then we're so not best buddies anymore!"

Boy: "Miss Jensen, you're dank."
Me: "What does that mean?"
Boy: "Really good weed."
I walked away.

Hopefully this list will get longer and funnier! Maybe it's only funny to me, oh well! Sorry about that. Teaching has been a crazy adventure so far. Some days it makes me the happiest I've ever been. Other days I want to put every 15 year old on an island until they are done going through puberty. I can say the same thing 10,000 times and some kids will still get the complete opposite of what I'm trying to say. On a daily basis I encounter tears, BO, and yelling, but also laughter, light bulbs going off, and thank yous. I have become the biggest fan at the boy's and girl's basketball games. Kids who were always really shy or scared of me now say, "Did you see my basket?" And then will volunteer to answer questions in class. I just pray everyday that I am getting through to at least one student. I haven't had any death threats yet, only a few I hate yous or you're gays. And I think today I can say I love being 'Miss Jensen'...but who knows what I'll say tomorrow.